Preparing Emotionally for Birth: Letting Go of Fear

Labour and Love – Gentle Support for Your Birth Journey

Birth isn’t just a physical event — it’s deeply emotional, instinctive, and vulnerable. For many women, preparing for birth means preparing your heart and mind just as much as your body. And while fear is a completely normal part of the journey, it doesn’t have to be the one steering the ship.

This guide will help you understand why fear shows up, how it can affect labour, and — most importantly — how to release it so you can walk into birth feeling calm, capable, and connected to your body.

Why Fear Shows Up Before Birth

Even the most prepared parents can experience moments of doubt or worry. Fear often comes from:

• The unknown — What will surges feel like? Will labour go to plan?
• Past experiences — A previous birth, loss, or medical trauma
• Stories from others — We’ve all heard that one “story” someone insists on sharing
• Pressure to “perform” — Wanting to do everything “right”

None of this makes you weak. It makes you human. And acknowledging your fears is the first step in releasing them.

How Fear Affects Labour

Fear doesn’t just sit in your mind — it shows up in the body too.

When we’re afraid, the body shifts into fight-or-flight, releasing adrenaline. This can:

• Slow down contractions
• Make sensations feel more intense
• Increase tension in the pelvic floor
• Lead to exhaustion
• Affect decision-making

Releasing fear isn’t about pretending everything is fine. It’s about creating safety in your body so you can birth from a place of instinct, not panic.

Creating Emotional Safety Before Birth

1. Build Your Birth Knowledge (Gently)

Understanding what actually happens during labour reduces uncertainty.The saying “knowledge is power” could not be more true when it comes to birth.
This doesn’t mean doom-scrolling through forums — it means curating your sources:

• A childbirth education course (online or in-person in NZ)
• Evidence-based books
• Conversations with your midwife

Knowledge + grounded energy = confidence.

2. Rewrite Your Inner Narrative

Your birth story hasn’t happened yet — you get to shape the mindset you bring to it.

Try journaling prompts like:

• What am I afraid of, and where does that fear come from?
• What does a supportive birth environment feel like to me?
• What would a confident version of me say right now?

This is exactly why we created the Fourth Trimester Reflection Prompts — the same style of gentle, introspective journaling works beautifully before birth too.

3. Use Breathwork to Calm Your Nervous System

Your breath is one of the most powerful tools you have.

Try:

• Long exhales (inhale 4, exhale 6)
• Low, slow belly breathing
• Warm, sighing exhales to release tension

Practising these before birth helps your body shift into “rest-and-open.”

4. Surround Yourself With Positive Stories

You don’t have to absorb every birth story that comes your way.

Actively choose stories that feel:

• Empowering
• Calm
• Realistic
• Supportive of physiological birth

Your mind will model the stories it repeats.

For my second birth I watched multiple peaceful home birth videos, listened to amazing podcasts with inspiring birth stories…and my second birth became my own inspiring birth story.

5. Create a Supportive Birth Space

Your environment can transform your emotional state. Think:

• Dim lighting (fairy lights are perfect)
• Warm water
• Soft music
• Minimal noise and interruptions
• Familiar scents
• Comforting textures

This is one of the reasons water birth is so powerful — the warmth alone helps your body relax, your brain soften, and your nervous system settle.

6. Lean Into Emotional Support

You’re not meant to hold everything on your own.

Your supporters — partner, midwife, doula, family — are there to:

• Offer reassurance
• Hold space
• Breathe with you
• Advocate for you
• Keep you grounded

Tell them exactly what helps you feel safe. Clarity creates calm.

7. Use Birth Affirmations to Anchor Your Mind

Affirmations help redirect your focus when your mind wanders into fear.

Try phrases like:

• My body knows how to birth my baby.
• I can do anything for one minute.
• Each wave brings my baby closer.
• I release fear with every exhale.

(And yes — these are available as beautifully designed, printable affirmation cards on our website, created for your birth space.)

8. Practice Letting Go — In Small Ways

Letting go of fear doesn’t happen overnight.

Practice softening in everyday moments:

• Releasing your jaw
• Relaxing your hands
• Asking for help
• Saying no
• Allowing rest
• Trusting that you are enough

Birth is the ultimate surrender — and every small act of softening prepares you for it.

What Letting Go of Fear Really Means

It doesn’t mean:

• Ignoring your instincts
• Pretending nothing worries you
• Trying to be “perfect”

It means:

• Trusting your body
• Trusting your support team
• Trusting that you can handle each moment as it comes
• Allowing your body to lead

When you begin to let go of fear, you make space for:

✨ Confidence
✨ Connection
✨ Intuition
✨ Power
✨ Presence

And that’s where birth becomes not just manageable — but truly sacred.

A Gentle Reminder

You don’t have to feel fearless to birth well.

You just have to feel supported, informed, and safe in your body.
Fear may knock on the door — but it doesn’t get to be the one who walks you into birth.
You do.